What to Expect After Spending 10 Consecutive Sick Days at Home with Your Kids (it’s not pretty!)

• There will be lots of tears, mostly yours. Sometimes those tears will happen at the dinner table when it sinks in that you will be doing all of this again tomorrow.

• Your household will be in a mixed state of being “dressed”. That may include one kid completely dressed and one in pajamas, or one kid in pajamas and one kid wearing jeans and a pajama top. But there will always be pajamas.

A mother’s badge of honor.

• You’ll give up trying to avoid being coughed on, sneezed on or covered in snot. The effort is futile. I advise giving this one up early just to lower your stress level as soon as humanly possible.

• Time will move backwards. No really. Like moving backwards at the slowest pace possible. 4:45 PM will slowly creep back to 3:30 PM and that’s the exact moment when you will lose. your. mind.

• You will become jealous of cartoon characters. “Must be nice to spend all day working on your container garden and running your own business, Kelly from Handy Manny!  Must be nice to have hobbies and friends and get up and walk around whenever you feel like it.”

Welcome to the couch…you’re gonna be here for a while!

• Calling it a “sick day” will become an excuse you can use for just about anything you want to justify. Want to watch TV all day? Make popcorn at 8:45 AM? Skip a bath for 3 days? Drink juice all day? Bake cookies? Cry into your chicken noodle soup? Be my guest. It’s a sick day.

Sitting at the doctor’s office looking sad.

• You will feel (real or imagined) judgement for having sick kids at the doctor’s office, of all places. Whose idea was it to have parents bring 2 week old babies to wait in the same waiting room with your kid who is currently coughing up a lung?

• Motivation will hit an all time low. Like lower than low. You might look at Pinterest ideas or google something like “activities for passing a sick day” but in the end you will watch TV. And then you will get mad when your kids don’t want to watch TV anymore and want to “play” – which means disintegrate into a pile of whining and hitting and snot.

• You will walk a fine line between letting your kids nap during the day and wanting them to be awake so they can go to bed at 6:30 PM. Expect this one to be tough. Their sleep is your only escape, choose wisely.

Feel sorry for me!

• Your kids may be sick but, I’m sad to say, you will feel most sorry for yourself. Yes, this selfishness is embarrassing. Your kids might be crying and miserable…. but you will be sitting there next to them on the couch, staring out the window, wondering what it would be like to be a mail carrier, walking out there in the real world, by herself, thinking clear, uninterrupted thoughts . . .

• You might forget what it feels like out there in the real world. Expect shock upon reentry. Especially if it is sunny. It will feel like FREEDOM!! It will feel like the world is new and amazing and every person you meet is your best friend. You will smile at strangers and let people out in front of you while driving. You might even enjoy going to the grocery store with your children and sing along to the music overhead.  Even Miley Cyrus songs.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Anyone else have one to share?!